


Après La Pluie, Le Beau Temps

by FivePips



Series: C’est Cela L’amour [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: 1950s, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Historical, France - Freeform, Healing, Hopeful Ending, Love, M/M, PTSD, Post-WWII, Post-War, South of France, Survivor Guilt, historical fiction - Freeform, mental health
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-25
Updated: 2019-05-25
Packaged: 2020-03-14 17:32:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18952708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FivePips/pseuds/FivePips
Summary: Sirius is just having a bad day.





	Après La Pluie, Le Beau Temps

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not sure what happened. I may have wrote this half asleep. Forgive mistakes, I'll fix them tomorrow. For Amé and anyone who may need it.

Even Sirius had been free from the terrors of living under Nazi occupation for over five years, things would sneak up on him from time to time. Some days it felt like he wasn’t meant to be where he was, a somewhat successful artist living in his dream cottage with his partner who was living out his own dreams of playing violin. Most days, he was happy then it would all hit him like a ton of bricks. It was as if he didn’t understand why so many of the people around him died and he lived. What made him special?

Remus talked openly about his feelings. He was not as guarded about the scars he bore from the war, which surprised Sirius because Remus had been so closed off before. The man had so many secrets within him for so long that he didn’t want to live shut off any longer. Sirius thought it was beautiful the man he loved could share with others his experiences from before the war right up until escaping the concentration camp.

His family and the Potters all talked about how they felt regularly as well. Effie had suggested that Sirius and the others involved go see a psychiatrist. That all seemed completely mad to him. He didn’t want someone prying into his brain. This urging from Effie had died down since Andi, Ted, Nymphadora, Remus, and Sirius returned to France.

Sitting on the cold sand, Sirius dug his fingers into it trying to ground himself. He couldn’t understand how everyone around him could speak their truth so easily. The words Sirius wanted to say were just on the tip of his tongue, but he seemed to not be able to let them out. He didn’t want to burden those around them who had their own demons.

“Mon étoile, what are you doing out here in the cold?” Remus’ voice came from behind him.

“Nothing,” Sirius sniffled. The cold was biting his face, but the rest of his body was warm under one of Remus’ jumpers, a heavy coat, and his warmest trousers and socks. “I just needed to think.”

“Mmm, you were there, looking moody then you disappeared.” Remus sat down next to Sirius.

In the five years since Remus had escaped the labour camp, he had gotten the life back in him. He had been rail thin and a bit of a shell of himself for a time. Slowly, Remus came back and now he was even more of himself than he was during the war. He was vibrant and beautiful. Sirius didn’t feel as if he deserved him most days.

Sirius shook his head with a frown, keeping his eyes on the ocean. It was churning and wild, unlike its usual calm one bright sunny days. Sirius thought it reflected how he felt on the inside.

“Is it because I’m going on tour?” Remus questioned.

That was part of the problem of the day. His musician life partner had broken the news to him that he was going to be touring with a quartet around Europe for a few months. Sirius and Remus had not been separated for more than a week since Remus found his way back to him. The idea of not seeing the man for so long, made Sirius think of the time when he though his love was dead after they had a big falling out.

“No, it’s fine.”

“It isn’t,” Remus pressed back as he took Sirius’ hand out of the sand to hold. “Sirius, what else is it?”

Sirius opened and closed his mouth unsure of what to say.

“You’re thinking of the war.” He supplied for Sirius instead.

“It’s silly, and I shouldn’t be thinking about it.”

“It’s not silly, Sirius. We lived it for years. It’d be amazing if you never thought about it and you were fine.” Remus kissed his temple.

“Being away from you for so long had me thinking about before. It’s—”

“Don’t say silly.” Remus laughed softly, dropping Sirius’ hand so he could wrap his arms around him. “Tell me about it without saying it’s silly.”

“It’s overwhelming. I shouldn’t feel like I need you here all the time, I know you’ll come back. It’s not as if you’re going back to Berlin where you’ll be taken away again. You’re still mine and we’ll write. But — but… being away from you is hard to imagine and it’s making me think about it.”

“I know, Sirius, it’s hard.” Remus agreed. “We know when I’ll be back. We’ll write. I understand why it’s making you think of before.”

“I should feel lucky.” Sirius felt his voice crack. The tears in his eyes were surprising.

“You don’t have to feel anything that you’re not feeling. Whatever you feel is okay right now. We are lucky to have survived, but that doesn’t mean that it’s easy.”

“It’s not feeling easy at all today,” Sirius said as the tears spilled over. “Will it ever be?”

“I don’t know. I hope so.” Remus gave him a squeeze. “I love you more than you know, Sirius. I know love isn’t enough to live on, but I hope that it helps when you’re feeling like this.”

Sirius just nodded the buried his face into Remus’ coat. They stayed sitting there for a while. He listened to the waves crashing on to the beach and felt Remus’ arms around him. There was nothing Sirius wanted more than for everything to just be okay, but he had far more work to do on the inside.

“Come on, it’s starting to rain. You can cry more in the warmth of our cottage, yes?”

Sirius pulled away as he felt raindrops began to fall on his head. Remus wiped the wetness from his cheeks then kissed him gently on the lips before standing up.

As they made their way back to their cozy home, Sirius leaned into Remus. He thought of Herr Dobrin, the brother of the boy he had seen killed by the Gestapo right in front of him. Just the other year Sirius had reunited two works with the last surviving member of the Dobrin’s, and he had told Sirius that one day they would live without pain or regret from the past.

Sirius wondered how the man was doing himself with his guilt from fleeing before his family. Effie and Monty outlived their son and daughter-in-law. Andi and Nym had been subjected to all horrors at Ravensbrück. Ted fought for years in the war, separated from his wife and daughter to protect them. Regulus had lost his leg. Remus lost his family and his identity for some time. Somehow, they all pushed on.

“We all have our trouble to deal with, don’t we?” Sirius asked.

“Of course, but we have each other.” Remus said before opened the door to their home. “I was thinking, maybe you could visit me when I’m on tour.”

Sirius smiled at his partner, “I would love that.”

Remus nodded, “Come on, let’s make some tea and have a cuddle. I know it won’t cure it, but it may make you feel a tiny bit better.”

“Yes, that sounds like a good idea.”

Taking Remus’ hand he followed him towards their kitchen. Sirius felt slightly better, but the pain was still there twisting away in his chest. It wasn’t going to disappear, but he had to hope that it would last for a shorter amount of time than before. Then less then next time then even less the time after that before the pain was no more than a dull ache of the past.


End file.
